Thursday 17 May 2018

Thoughts on Mental Health Awareness Week



It is currently Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK. A week dedicated to talking about mental health, how we can do better, how the government can do better for us and just generally talking about these issues to help break down the stigma still attached to mental health.

There's plenty of arguments that surround awareness weeks.

"We should be raising awareness all the time!" - we are but having a specific week dedicated to the cause brings it to more people's attention. Not everyone follows the same people online so they may not see mental health conversation on their feeds. But seeing #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek trending on Twitter may make someone click on and get involved where they wouldn't previously have done.
Also people (including myself) see these dedicated days/weeks/months as a perfect opportunity to speak out, to ask for help, to talk about what needs to change.

I posted on this blog on Time To Talk Day in 2016 and that was the first time I talked publicly about the struggles I've been through and how I'm working on fixing them. It just felt like the perfect opportunity to write it down and put it in to the world. A day dedicated to telling your own story. A day when people are listening to these stories. A day where people without these struggles want to listen and learn. And I don't see how they can be a bad thing.
(you can read that post HERE.)

I try and post something during these dedicated mental health periods because people are more aware and want to listen and learn. Last year for Mental Health Awareness Week I did a little post about how I was currently feeling as I was going through a bit of bad brain time. I thought it was important to talk about that as some of my previous "mental health updates" had a lot of positives in regards to how I was feeling. But it is important to show that just because a person is taking medication and/or doing therapy they don't magically recover. For me depression is always there but sometimes it is more prevalent than others, and that's okay.

Another point I hear a lot is "we don't need more awareness, we need better services. Stop telling people to get help."
So I think we need to break this down...

With the amount of daily articles we read focused on mental health, I can see why the "we don't need more awareness" argument can be made. However, there are people who still don't understand mental health. There are people that still say "cheer up!" or "what can you be depressed about?" (not to me but I see that it happens).
So not everyone is aware of the severity of mental health issues, the awareness is still needed.
But we 100% do need better services. There needs to be more money put into mental health services. There needs to be more education into mental health issues, for everyone. We can all do better to support those that need us.
My main gripe is with "stop telling people to get help" which I have seen on Twitter this week. Saying it in that way sounds quite harsh but in reality I don't think this is what anyone is really intending. Yes, people share their own stories with the message to others being that they don't need to be afraid of asking for help and that support is there for them. But nobody is forcing anyone to do anything they aren't ready for.
In my own experience, a person struggling with mental health knows that there are options for getting help but it's intimidating and scary to take that first step and the more positive stories put out there, the more likely they are going to seek that help for themselves. Hell, I spent the best part of a decade struggling in silence! I was terrified nobody would believe me, that people would think I'm crazy and attention seeking.

I posted on Twitter this week a mini thread about positive experiences with sharing mental health stories and asking for help. When I went to the doctors in 2016 I took a letter saying everything I needed to tell her. I knew that I would get too upset and wouldn't say everything. So she read my letter whilst I sobbed. She then spoke to me like a human being, she didn't judge me and she asked me all the questions a responsible medical professional should do. She explained my options with medication and therapy and she offered me a sick note whenever I needed it. It was such a relief.
I also wrote about how I told my employer at that time. I had decided to hand in my notice because I knew a 2 week sick note wasn't going to be enough time. Again I wrote a letter and they were beyond supportive. They made sure I was okay and comfortable whilst I worked my notice and they offered me the chance to work from home once I was ready to.

I think if I had heard more positive stories I may well have sought help sooner. Whilst mental health is talked about a lot all the time it's generally not positive stories. It's the horror stories and the new reports that link X, Y and Z to depression. These awareness weeks give us the chance to talk about our own experiences and show those people still struggling and hiding that it's okay and they can come out and ask for that help.

And the two go hand in hand... if the mental health services are better, then maybe more people will want to use them. But if people aren't wanting to come forward because maybe they're fearful or ashamed, then the people who have the power to improve these services aren't seeing the demand for them. There's absolutely no rush to seek help; do it in your time when you're ready but I don't think it's helpful to say "stop telling people to get help".


Something I'm not so sure about with the awareness weeks etc is to do with the corporate world. During these times companies, whether huge or small, post on social media about it. How they support those with mental health issues and how they want to spread the awareness. But are these thoughts actually extended in to their workplaces? I don't know anybody who's workplace offers any mental health training or educating. I don't know anybody who's workplace even mentions mental health in the company handbooks the same way that things like sick/maternity/bereavement leave is. If we have flu we can ring in to work, know we will be believed and go back when we are better. But can we do that during bad mental health times? Even though I am pretty open about my mental health now, I still don't feel like I could call in sick if I was having a 'bad brain day'.
I could be very wrong. I don't know anyone who works for huge companies. I could be being very cynical. But it seems like, sometimes, companies are jumping on the bandwagon like it's a fashion statement and just want the likes and to boost their Twitter engagement.
It would be great if companies can share their posts but also say how they implement mental health support. That would be so beneficial to a person who is hiding away being too afraid to ask for help.

In all, I like that we have these dedicated days to talk about mental health. No we don't have to limit these conversations to these days and we shouldn't. But having these days pop up every so often just acts as a reminder to those who don't have to think about mental health issues everyday. It makes sure that mental health doesn't get brushed under the rug. We have so much further to go to do better for everyone and the more it's put in front of people, the more likely that one day we'll get there.


Let me know what you think?



Also I wrote a piece about empathy and mental health for The Nopebook which you can read HERE.

And there is a great petition started by Natasha Devon to make it compulsory for there to be mental health first aiders in the workplace. You can sign the petition HERE.






















Monday 16 April 2018

LIFESTYLE CHANGE: AN UPDATE

Last year I wrote a post about my "lifestyle change". I wrote about how unhappy I was with my body and how I decided to do something about it via calorie counting. I wrote about how it was working for me and how proud I was of myself.

That was 8 months ago and present me is in a very different place to past me. I was going to straight up delete the other post because it's not something I agree with anymore but it makes more sense to address it and talk about what changed and how I am approaching health and fitness now.

Firstly, yes I was unhappy with my body. And I still am. But with the changes I have made now, I'm not getting upset all the time about it because I know what I am doing now is good and right for me in this moment.

Calorie counting was not good. For me anyway. I'm reading and learning about health and fitness and (probably an entire post on its own) but calorie counting and the apps like My Fitness Pal (that I was using), aren't good. There's a reason we have a recommended daily allowance. And MFP was telling me to have 800 calories less than that. And I got obsessed.
I was so obsessed with that 1200 calories figure. And whilst I did it and I did see weight start coming off, I hit the plateau and then got disheartened that it wasn't working anymore.
I was taking ingredients out of my salad so that it "saved" calories. I was walking round the block an extra time to "earn" calories. It was just taking over my life and having had problems with food and eating in the past, I got scared of going back there. So I deleted the app. And I ate what I wanted.
And I was still unhappy.


The media is so obsessed with calories and making us feel like we have to earn the right to eat food we actually want. And then make us feel guilty for doing so. So I was back to feeling stuck in a rut.

At the back end of 2017 I started going to therapy. I told her one week about wanting to be fitter but being scared because of how obsessive I get over things. And I ended up realising I do obsess and meticulously plan everything I do. And then she made me realise that isn't necessarily a bad thing. And then it sort of hit me that she was right.

So I planned...



I planned that I wanted to try and see if I could go to a gym and enjoy it. I knew I wanted to go to a relatively small and quiet gym as I would feel more comfortable. There is one just a few minutes away from where I work so I did some online research and then on a lunch break I went in and asked if I could have a look in the gym. The duty manager came to show me around and I told him how I'd never been to a gym but I wanted to but the thought of them scares me. And he was just so lovely. He was saying how he understands how they can be intimidating at first but he showed me the gym and it is very small and not crowded at all. He then told me I can get a 7 day free pass to see if it's for me so that's what I did!
And since then I have been going 3 times a week and I actually enjoy it and look forward to going!

I knew I had to take it easy and go slow to begin with having never done it before and not wanting to be in pain the next day - that would have made me not want to go back!
I got an induction on the first day. One of the ladies showed me how to use the cardio machines. I said I do want to do weight and strength training eventually but right now I need to work on my fitness levels. And then she left me to it. And I went on the cross trainer. And after about a minute I wanted to be sick. I felt like all my internal organs were going to drop out of my body. I pushed through to 5 minutes and then did some on the bike and treadmill and that was enough for a first session.
I know my fitness levels have improved as from that initial wanting to be sick after a minute, I can do 30 minutes on the cross trainer. I am so proud of myself.
I am planning in the next few weeks to enquire about Personal Training my gym offers so I can learn how to use the weights and do it properly. I'm pretty excited for it! I can't believe I am even this person!


So then the next hurdle to tackle was food. I don't want to be scared of food. I don't want to feel like I have to earn food. And I don't want to feel like I have to punish myself for enjoying food. I hate the word 'diet' and phrases like 'clean eating' and the whole idea of good and bad foods.
I set up a new Instagram to keep me motivated throughout this journey and I follow a whole mix of people who do weights, yoga, runners, foodie posts and I have learnt so much just from that. (My Instagram is HERE too.) Seeing that these people don't calorie count and don't punish themselves and do some great myth busting is just so refreshing and it has definitely given me a more positive mindset on the matter. So yes, I am trying to eat better. I am making good food (hey I even realised I like avocado!) but if I want half a garlic bread with dinner, then I'm going to have it. And if I want to eat a whole Easter egg in one sitting, I'm going to do that too.
This Easter weekend I had a Chinese and a Dominoes and I didn't once feel bad I had done it. I didn't feel like I had to work harder on my next gym session.

And that in itself is doing my brain a world of good.



The other thing I have started doing is yoga. I have wanted to give yoga a go for years. I have done a few yoga videos on YouTube but not religiously and not for ages. A new studio opened the same week I started going to the gym and it opened about a 2 minute walk from my house. So every Wednesday evening I go down and spend an hour with no phone, in the quiet having a good old stretch. And I bloody love it!
The first session was great. And then I woke up the next day and my arms were killing! I didn't even get achey from the gym but yoga was another story!
I went back and I've been going every week and the aches have stopped and I just really love it. My favourite bit is the relaxation at the end because I nearly fall asleep every week. Then I basically float back home, feeling so chill, and then I get into bed and read for a bit.
I follow a lot of yoga people on Instagram and the way they bend blows my brain and I just live in hope that one day that will be me!


Whilst I wish I could have made these changes a long time ago, those times were clearly never the right time for me. I'm in a good head space right now, I feel more motivated than ever and most importantly I actually enjoy what I am doing.
With the last Lifestyle Change post, whilst I thought I was doing good things and in a good place to do it, I obviously wasn't.

I will try post more frequent updates but you can follow my Instagram where I do try post regularly.


Some Instagrams I love that are positive and motivating:

zannavandijk
tallyrye
catmeffan
thefoodmedic
thefashionfitnessfoodie
thegirlgains
courtneydblack
phelanwell
victorianiamh
alexandrapeters
steffywhiteyoga
rhitrition
drzoewilliams














Thursday 1 February 2018

TIME TO TALK DAY 2018



Two years ago I posted on Time To Talk Day about how I had finally acknowledged my mental health problems and had started to do something about them. I had just left my job, I was a month into taking anti-depressants, suffering with insomnia (as a result of medication) and, questioning everything.

Would the medication work? Would I ever feel better? Would I have to take medication for life? Will I ever get back into work? Where am I going to get money from?

The questions went on and on and on...


Two years later I feel like a completely different person.

I am still taking medication, but I am currently on the lowest dosage I have ever been on. Bad brain days are much more rare. I am in a job that I love. And I can answer the questions that rattled my brain.

The medication does work for me. I do feel better most of the time. This year I want to try slowly wean myself off medication and see if I can go without. But I am also aware that maybe I can't go without and that's also okay.

At the end of last year I decided to try therapy. I found someone local and went to the free initial session she offers. I felt comfortable with her and I've been a further 3 times so far.
In this weeks session I was feeling really great and positive and she's helping me realise that the things I see about myself in a negative way actually are positives. So I'm finding it useful.
She's asked what I want to get out of the sessions and for me it's to just stay being okay.

I wanted to do it now as I lowered my dosage over Christmas so doing therapy at the same time sort of feels like a safety net. Just having a back up in case the lower dosage wasn't going to be right for me.
So far, it's been good. I don't feel different from when I was on the previous dosage - which I see as a good thing. I feel as good on a lower dosage as I did on the higher. It gives me more hope for coming off fully.

I think had I done therapy at the start of my journey, I wouldn't have been as open. I wouldn't have wanted to talk so freely and I wouldn't be open to seeing the negatives as positives. But now I have the hindsight to see how things have changed, it's about changing the way my brain deals with things and keeping on top of that. I guess for me it's more like CBT. I did CBT when I was first diagnosed but it was an online course and I never physically spoke to anyone during it. It was okay but it wasn't the best it could have been.

I'm in no rush to come off medication. I'm just taking it as it comes. I have a couple months worth of my prescription so my plan is to see how I feel at the end of those. If I feel ready, I'll go see my doctor to see what the next step is. If not, I'll continue for a couple more months.

I never wanted to accept that I have mental health problems. I was scared of the labels and stereotypes. I was scared of medication.
But now, I fully accept that sometimes I am depressed and deal with anxiety. And that's okay. I'm doing all I can to make the symptoms better and that's all I can do.

What works for me isn't going to work for everyone. But I guarantee just telling someone, anyone, will help. Whether it be friends, family, doctors or a therapist. Anyone.
I find it easier to talk to people I'm not close to. That's just me.

Please just talk to someone. They'll listen.


https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/get-involved/time-talk-day-2018

https://www.nhs.uk/livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Mentalhealthhome.aspx

https://www.mind.org.uk/

https://www.samaritans.org/